Several comedy writers “tag” their rejected submissions to BBC topical news comedy shows in social media posts using a hashtag like #BTNRejects, #BTNNB, #BreakingTheNews, #NoisingUp, etc. so other writers can see and provide feedback on or like their ideas.

Here’s a thread of some of my news gag failures on X.

https://twitter.com/GIChowDotcom/status/1852475885603209419

I’ve gathered together here well over 100 rejects so we can see what didn’t make the grade and maybe learn something about what doesn’t work in the process – comments welcomed!

You are free to use any of these in your online content with a credit linking to https://x.com/GIChowDotcom (lmk and I will share your content on my socials!)

And for what it’s worth here’s a completely AI generated video on how to write topical gags!

Graves more than 100 years old could be reused across England and Wales under Law Commission proposals that also include the reopening of some burial grounds closed under Victorian-era legislation. Marketing of the graves is already underway with a BOGOF deal – bury one, grave one free.

A Chinese shipyard has been named as the preferred bidder to build two new “freight flex” vessels serving Orkney and Shetland. In what’s thought to be a world first, drop shipping will be used to deliver shipping.

Scottish supercomputer ARCHER2 is value for money, according to a report just published. It concludes that the breakthroughs delivered justify spending public money on the next generation of supercomputers – though there is a footnote which adds “written by ARCHER2”.

---

One hundred lucky fans have bagged tickets to Harry Style’s one-off concert in Manchester, thanks to a gift from the star to his old school. Headteacher Nigel Bielby said the lucky ticket winners were randomly selected from applicants at the school, while the unlucky ones got two tickets.

The Italian baseball team has attracted attention online when it was discovered that the team kept an espresso machine in its dugout. Other teams didn’t mind the caffeine hit giving them an unfair advantage, but drew the line when their batting lineup started with George Clooney.

Australian designer Katie Perry has won her High Court appeal against pop megastar Katy Perry in a years-long trademark case. Both sides presented lengthy technical arguments for their case, though Katy Perry, the pop singer’s counsel did end with fireworks.

A “tea planter” jailed for buying tea from around the world and passing it off as grown in Scotland made over a million pounds from his criminal conduct, a court has heard. Suspicions were aroused when someone pointed out Scotland’s got nae blooming sunshine.

MARTIANS could be humans’ ancestors, scientists have said, after finding that alien microbes could travel on asteroids from other planets. Critics pooh-poohed the idea however, one saying “the simplest life forms could never have come from microbes – you’ve only to look at the American administration”.

MSP’s have heard a troubled Scottish ferry needs new propellers as part of multi-million pound repairs after just over a year in service. One passenger said the repairs couldn’t come soon enough, as the daily row was starting to take its toll.

United Airlines recently announced that anyone playing phone audio without wearing headphones can be denied transport and, in extreme cases, permanently banned. The new rule has already caused problems, however, when on the landing approach, a call came in for the pilot.

---

Ryanair has been voted the worst short-haul operator in the UK as passengers criticised its poor customer service, difficult booking process and uncomfortable seats. A Ryanair spokesperson said “We can’t believe it! It’s the first time we’ve won anything!”

The Scottish justice system has been told it’s time to enter the twenty-first century after a review found that courts are still using second class post to summon witnesses. A spokesperson said it would be their number one priority, just as soon as they work out what to do with the ducking stools.

After her spouse David Taylor was arrested on suspicion of spying for China, Scottish Labour MP Joani Reid said she’s never seen anything to make her suspect her husband had broken any law. Though did wonder why they’d been getting so many phone calls asking for the Chinese takeaway.

Three-time world snooker champion Mark Williams has revealed he has a ‘serious phobia’ of tea bags. One theory is that the fear stems from the eponymous witch in the 80’s Children’s show “T-Bag” – which could also explain his other fears of rhubarb and custard.

A study has revealed that three quarters of young daters prioritise environmental values as much as physical compatibility. For Gen Zs, it seems, green views are as important as good looks, which is great news for ugly guys with lots of wind.

Hannah Spencer is a plumber, a qualified plasterer, and the woman who has just become parliament’s newest MP in a historic series of firsts.
She said she’ll never forget where she came from and can’t wait to start holding surgeries. Though won’t be available for at least three weeks, and there’s an £80 callout charge.

---

Chocolate bars are being locked in plastic boxes in some UK shops as police forces warn thieves are stealing them to order. The boxes make them hard to conceal, which is good news for retailers, but bad news for the man from Milk Tray.

More than 15-hundred pieces of film and television memorabilia are to be sold at auction next month. The lots include the harpoon gun from Jaws and a helmet worn by Russell Crowe in Gladiator, which have already raised interest from UK border control.

GP practices in England are to be paid £3,000 a year bonuses to prescribe weight loss drugs. Patients are advised the cash-for-prescriptions drugs won’t work for some groups, however, including big pharma fat cats.

---

Former US President Barack Obama has clarified that the chances Earth has been visited by aliens is “low” after comments he made about extra-terrestrial species caught attention online. The confusion arose when he mentioned the film Predator, but it turned out he meant Jeffrey Epstein.

Liz Truss has met with Donald Trump at his residence in Mar-a-Lago, sharing a photo of the moment on social media. She captioned the image “right about everything”, to which the internet quickly added “just be Cos”.

A 70-year-old former trading standards officer is to compete in the world axe and knife-throwing championships after teaching himself the sport in his own garden. His neighbours are said to be thrilled, as one asked “does this mean we can let the cats out now?”